Sunday, October 24, 2010
Come To The Dark Side
I did it. I went digital. Three weeks ago, I got a Sony A330 and have since shot two weddings. Pictures to come, with permission of the brides. I'm busy learning Photoshop and Bridge. Be happy for me.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
The Amazing Swim
I've been recovering from bronchitis/sinus infection Hell for the past couple of weeks, and rather typically, becoming impatient and frustrated with my body when I don't recover quickly enough. I went swimming on Sunday, did fine, went again on Monday and ached all the way through it and had difficulty breathing, went Tuesday and was miserable - I struggled to breathe, couldn't find any energy and just thoroughly felt defeated. I started to berate myself on the way home because I could only do a lethargic 25 lengths. Of course, I snowballed this self-abuse into me giving up on it entirely and getting tired of things too quickly. I said to a friend to tonight that if I were as mean to anyone else as I am to myself, I probably wouldn't speak to me.
Yesterday, an act of God intervened. I went to the Y and the pool was closed because of thunder and lightening. I didn't want to hang around downtown for it to re-open, so I just headed home and decided to go over to Miss B.'s for dinner and wine spritzers with her and her young though incredibly smart and charming new man-friend.
A night of good food, wine, Scrabble and good old Nashville guitar playing did me the world of good, even though I exceeded my calorie goals (OH NO!) and got a little tipsy and home too late.
Today I braved the pool after my divinely intentioned Day of Rest and knew immediately on dipping myself into the water that I was back! I sailed through the water effortlessly and just rejoiced in the feel of it around my skin and revelled in my ability to glide through it. Today, I managed to swim more than half my lengths front-crawl, and finished 1600 metres in under half an hour. I was actually out of breath when I got out of the pool and felt like I had an incredible workout. I was proud of my body and what it can do.
When I left the Y, I actually felt high on the endorphins. I truly enjoyed my workout. I am glad I have got to the point where it is fun, challenging and a high point in my day, not a chore or just a way to burn calories. I'm actually doing this for my mental as well as physical well-being. Not being able to work out properly until today has left me stressed and frustrated and I am grateful to finally feel like myself again.
Yesterday, an act of God intervened. I went to the Y and the pool was closed because of thunder and lightening. I didn't want to hang around downtown for it to re-open, so I just headed home and decided to go over to Miss B.'s for dinner and wine spritzers with her and her young though incredibly smart and charming new man-friend.
A night of good food, wine, Scrabble and good old Nashville guitar playing did me the world of good, even though I exceeded my calorie goals (OH NO!) and got a little tipsy and home too late.
Today I braved the pool after my divinely intentioned Day of Rest and knew immediately on dipping myself into the water that I was back! I sailed through the water effortlessly and just rejoiced in the feel of it around my skin and revelled in my ability to glide through it. Today, I managed to swim more than half my lengths front-crawl, and finished 1600 metres in under half an hour. I was actually out of breath when I got out of the pool and felt like I had an incredible workout. I was proud of my body and what it can do.
When I left the Y, I actually felt high on the endorphins. I truly enjoyed my workout. I am glad I have got to the point where it is fun, challenging and a high point in my day, not a chore or just a way to burn calories. I'm actually doing this for my mental as well as physical well-being. Not being able to work out properly until today has left me stressed and frustrated and I am grateful to finally feel like myself again.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
More of the Same
Hello dear readers. It seems I haven't written in close to a month, but I just re-read my last blog and I am happy to announce I've continued according to the plan laid out then. I'm still swimming, still eating well, and still going to bed early.
Despite swimming regularly and eating well, I've been plagued with not feeling well for the past month. I had a weird stint of vertigo that lasted about three weeks, followed by a cold that turned into bronchitis and a sinus infection, so it has been difficult to maintain the good habits. I had to take three days off work (for which I did not get paid) and I've had to take a week off from swimming. I'm finally beginning to feel somewhat better, so I plan to swim this afternoon, and I know it will be difficult because I haven't done it for a week. I was getting pretty good there - I even got up to a mile! There's not much else going on really. I'm just eating well, exercising, and am pleased to say I'm losing weight. I'm currently wearing a pair of jeans that haven't fit since last September. I don't feel deprived in the least. I just finished eating a breakfast consisting of coffee with real cream and a whole wheat bagel with cream cheese and smoked salmon and capers. I've cut down my portions significantly (I think that comes from not eating for three weeks - I never picked the appetite back up) and I'm trying to eat a lot of fish, fruit, whole grains and vegetables (oh and some chocolate thrown in for good measure).
I've also cut down on drinking. I figure it doesn't do me much good to swill down caloric depressants every night when I'm trying to battle that sort of thing. Also, the swimming makes me feel good and I find I don't really want to drink. This has cut down significantly on the calories I'm ingesting daily, and from what I can see, my efforts are working.
Despite swimming regularly and eating well, I've been plagued with not feeling well for the past month. I had a weird stint of vertigo that lasted about three weeks, followed by a cold that turned into bronchitis and a sinus infection, so it has been difficult to maintain the good habits. I had to take three days off work (for which I did not get paid) and I've had to take a week off from swimming. I'm finally beginning to feel somewhat better, so I plan to swim this afternoon, and I know it will be difficult because I haven't done it for a week. I was getting pretty good there - I even got up to a mile! There's not much else going on really. I'm just eating well, exercising, and am pleased to say I'm losing weight. I'm currently wearing a pair of jeans that haven't fit since last September. I don't feel deprived in the least. I just finished eating a breakfast consisting of coffee with real cream and a whole wheat bagel with cream cheese and smoked salmon and capers. I've cut down my portions significantly (I think that comes from not eating for three weeks - I never picked the appetite back up) and I'm trying to eat a lot of fish, fruit, whole grains and vegetables (oh and some chocolate thrown in for good measure).
I've also cut down on drinking. I figure it doesn't do me much good to swill down caloric depressants every night when I'm trying to battle that sort of thing. Also, the swimming makes me feel good and I find I don't really want to drink. This has cut down significantly on the calories I'm ingesting daily, and from what I can see, my efforts are working.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
The Mind and Body Connection
I had a little bit of an epiphany today. For the past few months, I've been trying to fix my mind and my heart, and all efforts have, in truth, failed, but I noticed that recently I've begun to do something else, and it wasn't initially a planned thing. I think I was feeling rotten, so I started to take steps to fix it, and that meant fixing what is going on physically first, and if I feel good in body, the theory goes, maybe the mind and eventually the heart will follow.
I stopped smoking. Actually, joining the Y happened first, but the smoking stopped about 2 days later. I knew exercise would do it, but I thought the actual quitting process would happen much more slowly; however, after the first full day swimming and a night out on which I smoked a ridiculous amount of Camel Crushes, enough to make myself sick really, I quit, suddenly, and without any of the usual crutches. I quit smoking the first time in 2002 after smoking for seven years and that time, I needed the patch. I quit again last year (after starting again, obviously) and I needed the patch again, but this time, I was able to go the full cold turkey. I don't know why that makes me prouder, or more in control, but it does. I finally killed the nicotine craving all by myself. Go me!
The swimming: I adore the swimming. I think I have more of an addiction to the way it makes me feel rather than the actual process of doing it, although I love that too. A friend asked if I found swimming laps boring, I suppose because you can't listen to music or watch TV, but I enjoy not having those distractions and I enjoy consciously working on improving my stroke and my time and monitoring how my body reacts to the challenges I set for it. I enjoy reaping the rewards of the effort becoming easier, or at least smoother, and being able to do a little bit more, or do the same a little bit better, each day.
After getting out of the pool, I feel strangely calm. After not having the opportunity to swim yesterday or today, I feel uptight, both physically and mentally. My mood is distracted and anxious and I can't wait to get back in the pool tomorrow. I mentioned earlier that I started exercising to reduce my anxiety level, and it has, but I already feel stronger, and I can already see improvements in my body (or my figure, as my grandma would say). It's amazing what can happen in two weeks.
Like bad habits, it seems good habits also have a domino effect, or come together because the mutual benefits are greater than the singular. I have mentioned previously my rotten eating habits the past few months. My stomach has been constantly upset and intolerant of anything weird, so I ate a lot of stodge: chicken, bread, butter, some salad. That's about it. Well, now I've cut out the butter and the white bread, started eating more fish, taking my lunch to work, and actually planning ahead for meals, like, you know, an adult or something. Today, two ladies in the cafeteria said to each other within purposeful earshot of me, "Can we bash her over the head and steal her lunch?" I haven't cooked inside in about two months. The little Weber porch grill has cooked everything, and that makes for healthier eating too. I find when I cook for myself, I generally lose weight. There are some great things about being single, and one is the act of controlling exactly what you eat and when, and not having to compromise with someone else so often over food choices.
Sleep: Oh dear readers, I do not sleep. I've had trouble with this since college and when there are stressors in my life, the problem manifests itself severely. For the past several months, I've been averaging about four hours' sleep a night, if I'm lucky, but I took steps to take care of this problem also. The doctor said I have all the symptoms of chronic insomnia, and prescribed more exercise and sleepy pills. I don't really have to take the pills all that often - just knowing they are there and I won't have to lie awake all night helps most of the time, and the swimming really wears me out, but even if I'm dead to the world tired, my mind keeps ticking and won't let me sleep. This week's goal has been Project Early Night. I've been in bed before ten every night, comfy and reading. I don't set a limit on how long I can read - just no phone, no computer, and no other distractions.
This is my plan for now. I take one day at a time, and try to make improvements one little step at a time. I'm hoping the physical improvements and the benefit of endorphins will work their magic on me. I also haven't forgotten about the healing benefits of creativity and am about to text Miss. L. to ask if she wants to work on our photo project this weekend. We are still brainstorming and it has been on hiatus because she went on vacation, but the plan is still very much in the works.
I stopped smoking. Actually, joining the Y happened first, but the smoking stopped about 2 days later. I knew exercise would do it, but I thought the actual quitting process would happen much more slowly; however, after the first full day swimming and a night out on which I smoked a ridiculous amount of Camel Crushes, enough to make myself sick really, I quit, suddenly, and without any of the usual crutches. I quit smoking the first time in 2002 after smoking for seven years and that time, I needed the patch. I quit again last year (after starting again, obviously) and I needed the patch again, but this time, I was able to go the full cold turkey. I don't know why that makes me prouder, or more in control, but it does. I finally killed the nicotine craving all by myself. Go me!
The swimming: I adore the swimming. I think I have more of an addiction to the way it makes me feel rather than the actual process of doing it, although I love that too. A friend asked if I found swimming laps boring, I suppose because you can't listen to music or watch TV, but I enjoy not having those distractions and I enjoy consciously working on improving my stroke and my time and monitoring how my body reacts to the challenges I set for it. I enjoy reaping the rewards of the effort becoming easier, or at least smoother, and being able to do a little bit more, or do the same a little bit better, each day.
After getting out of the pool, I feel strangely calm. After not having the opportunity to swim yesterday or today, I feel uptight, both physically and mentally. My mood is distracted and anxious and I can't wait to get back in the pool tomorrow. I mentioned earlier that I started exercising to reduce my anxiety level, and it has, but I already feel stronger, and I can already see improvements in my body (or my figure, as my grandma would say). It's amazing what can happen in two weeks.
Like bad habits, it seems good habits also have a domino effect, or come together because the mutual benefits are greater than the singular. I have mentioned previously my rotten eating habits the past few months. My stomach has been constantly upset and intolerant of anything weird, so I ate a lot of stodge: chicken, bread, butter, some salad. That's about it. Well, now I've cut out the butter and the white bread, started eating more fish, taking my lunch to work, and actually planning ahead for meals, like, you know, an adult or something. Today, two ladies in the cafeteria said to each other within purposeful earshot of me, "Can we bash her over the head and steal her lunch?" I haven't cooked inside in about two months. The little Weber porch grill has cooked everything, and that makes for healthier eating too. I find when I cook for myself, I generally lose weight. There are some great things about being single, and one is the act of controlling exactly what you eat and when, and not having to compromise with someone else so often over food choices.
Sleep: Oh dear readers, I do not sleep. I've had trouble with this since college and when there are stressors in my life, the problem manifests itself severely. For the past several months, I've been averaging about four hours' sleep a night, if I'm lucky, but I took steps to take care of this problem also. The doctor said I have all the symptoms of chronic insomnia, and prescribed more exercise and sleepy pills. I don't really have to take the pills all that often - just knowing they are there and I won't have to lie awake all night helps most of the time, and the swimming really wears me out, but even if I'm dead to the world tired, my mind keeps ticking and won't let me sleep. This week's goal has been Project Early Night. I've been in bed before ten every night, comfy and reading. I don't set a limit on how long I can read - just no phone, no computer, and no other distractions.
This is my plan for now. I take one day at a time, and try to make improvements one little step at a time. I'm hoping the physical improvements and the benefit of endorphins will work their magic on me. I also haven't forgotten about the healing benefits of creativity and am about to text Miss. L. to ask if she wants to work on our photo project this weekend. We are still brainstorming and it has been on hiatus because she went on vacation, but the plan is still very much in the works.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Do You Belong in a Stall?
Really, because some people have only slightly better manners than animals who do.
To the person at work who talks on her cell phone in the bathroom stall:
I want to pee in peace!!!! I DO NOT want whoever is on the other end of YOUR conversation hearing me pee. Perhaps I'm old fashioned, or some sort of crazy privacy freak, but I hold the belief that being in a public restroom should entitle one to at least some modicum of privacy. Get off the damn phone. Go somewhere else. I'm sure your husband/boyfriend/child/friend doesn't want to hear you peeing either.
That's it. That's my rant for today.
To the person at work who talks on her cell phone in the bathroom stall:
I want to pee in peace!!!! I DO NOT want whoever is on the other end of YOUR conversation hearing me pee. Perhaps I'm old fashioned, or some sort of crazy privacy freak, but I hold the belief that being in a public restroom should entitle one to at least some modicum of privacy. Get off the damn phone. Go somewhere else. I'm sure your husband/boyfriend/child/friend doesn't want to hear you peeing either.
That's it. That's my rant for today.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Apologies
I do apologize, dear readers, for the lack of activity on this blog over the past couple of weeks. A couple of posts ago, I explained I was feeling a little down in the dumps, which actually has continued for a while, despite my best efforts to kick the doldrums into the middle of the proverbial "next week" for several past weeks. I also have developed a mysterious ailment, the origin of which is completely bamboozling both me and my doctor: I have, at this point, almost constant vertigo. This started about three weeks ago, when I stood up at work and felt suddenly lightheaded and as if my legs would buckle. The occurrences of this have become so often that it feels like I am dizzy all the time. I am finding it difficult to function under these circumstances. I have been depressed, had panic and anxiety attacks, and now, on top of this, I am constantly dizzy and nauseous. My doctor's best guess is a viral infection, cause unknown, that will "probably" work its way out. I hope probably turns out to be pretty probable, because I feel awful.
I have to go to work tomorrow, and I am dreading being there and feeling terrible all day. The only time I feel better, weirdly enough, is when I'm swimming. The only explanation I have is that I'm on a different equilibrium in the water, so I don't feel sick or dizzy.
I joined the Y, dear readers. I decided that the legacy of AMWUDM would not be the destruction of my health. I quit smoking, cold turkey, twelve days ago, two days after I joined the Y and started swimming, after work, as often as my schedule will allow. I started swimming to feel better, to thwart depression, moodiness, apathy, and to gain some energy. It wouldn't hurt if it continued to help me lose weight (I'm already much skinnier post break-up - that is one good thing), but some toning wouldn't hurt either, especially as I happen to know that the post break-up weight reaction has not gone quite the same way for the other party involved. I hate to say it, but that gives me impetus to be fit, healthy, and look good. Perhaps that's spiteful, but I don't really care - it's all about me at this point, and what makes ME feel good, and knowing that I do and will look a hundred times better than I did then gives me a kind of smug satisfaction. Well, whatever it takes to motivate, right?
I have to go to work tomorrow, and I am dreading being there and feeling terrible all day. The only time I feel better, weirdly enough, is when I'm swimming. The only explanation I have is that I'm on a different equilibrium in the water, so I don't feel sick or dizzy.
I joined the Y, dear readers. I decided that the legacy of AMWUDM would not be the destruction of my health. I quit smoking, cold turkey, twelve days ago, two days after I joined the Y and started swimming, after work, as often as my schedule will allow. I started swimming to feel better, to thwart depression, moodiness, apathy, and to gain some energy. It wouldn't hurt if it continued to help me lose weight (I'm already much skinnier post break-up - that is one good thing), but some toning wouldn't hurt either, especially as I happen to know that the post break-up weight reaction has not gone quite the same way for the other party involved. I hate to say it, but that gives me impetus to be fit, healthy, and look good. Perhaps that's spiteful, but I don't really care - it's all about me at this point, and what makes ME feel good, and knowing that I do and will look a hundred times better than I did then gives me a kind of smug satisfaction. Well, whatever it takes to motivate, right?
Really Good Thai Food!
So, the other night, NGIHOW and I went to eat Thai at this restaurant on Nolensville Road. I was in one of those moods where I was starving and couldn't make a decision. I kept saying I wanted Greek food but couldn't think of anywhere decent to get it. After a while, Mr. J. (or NGIHOW) made the observation that I was not making any concrete suggestions but just picking fault with everyone else's. He was right, and I told him so, so I conceded and decided to put my night's culinary fate in his hands. It was a good choice. Notoriously picky about Thai food and not a fan of Royal Thai or Siam Cuisine, I didn't have high expectations, despite Mr. J's good endorsement. I should have trusted him because the food was excellent and very cheap. I recommend the Tiger Tear Salad and the Fresh Spring Rolls. He was jealous of my salad, and even ate a good amount of it, although I couldn't really share his as he ordered it hot as hellfire.
Finding new, inexpensive, out of the way cuisine is one of my favourite things in life - it's one of the pleasures that makes life occasionally delicious and worth living, so when I do find these gems, I share them with you.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Three Things
Has it really been a week since I posted? I've been thinking about writing on this blog all week, but I suppose thinking it doesn't really get the baby bathed does it?
It's been a rough week and I won't pretend otherwise for the sake of keeping my chin up on this blog. I think I reached something akin to my nadir during the past few days. Suddenly everything seemed totally shit. My life seemed pointless and irreparable and I didn't know what to do. The months of not sleeping, of rehashing my former relationship in my head, of fighting and fighting to try and find a decent job, of struggling with money and broken cars and unforeseen expenses, finally got to me and I felt more down than I have in years. I cried every day last week, sometimes about these big things and sometimes because I spilt cat food on the floor or couldn't find anything to wear. I felt rotten. I had panic attacks, dizzy spells, the fits of crying, extreme exhaustion, swings between extreme emotion and extreme apathy, and on top of that, my skin broke out like you wouldn't believe.
Fortunately, I have good friends, friends who took me out and cheered me up last Friday and Saturday. The combination of $5 martinis at the gay bar, game night, and an amazing U2 cover show did show me that perhaps life might occasionally be worth sticking around for, even if those moments seem fleeting.
My weekend was terrible. I napped a lot, picked fights with my parents and anyone else who would listen, thought about getting things done, but didn't, complained about the heat, moped, and dreaded going back to work.
Today though, today seemed better. I set myself three manageable goals: Join the Y, make a doctor's appointment, and buy good, healthy groceries. I did all three. I didn't get home until almost 8pm, and I'm tired, but I feel good that I got something done.
It's been a rough week and I won't pretend otherwise for the sake of keeping my chin up on this blog. I think I reached something akin to my nadir during the past few days. Suddenly everything seemed totally shit. My life seemed pointless and irreparable and I didn't know what to do. The months of not sleeping, of rehashing my former relationship in my head, of fighting and fighting to try and find a decent job, of struggling with money and broken cars and unforeseen expenses, finally got to me and I felt more down than I have in years. I cried every day last week, sometimes about these big things and sometimes because I spilt cat food on the floor or couldn't find anything to wear. I felt rotten. I had panic attacks, dizzy spells, the fits of crying, extreme exhaustion, swings between extreme emotion and extreme apathy, and on top of that, my skin broke out like you wouldn't believe.
Fortunately, I have good friends, friends who took me out and cheered me up last Friday and Saturday. The combination of $5 martinis at the gay bar, game night, and an amazing U2 cover show did show me that perhaps life might occasionally be worth sticking around for, even if those moments seem fleeting.
My weekend was terrible. I napped a lot, picked fights with my parents and anyone else who would listen, thought about getting things done, but didn't, complained about the heat, moped, and dreaded going back to work.
Today though, today seemed better. I set myself three manageable goals: Join the Y, make a doctor's appointment, and buy good, healthy groceries. I did all three. I didn't get home until almost 8pm, and I'm tired, but I feel good that I got something done.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Downtown Blue Ridge, GA
Endless Photo Opportunity in My Neck of the Woods
Ye Olde Discount Tobacco Shoppe.
Rayon City is right next to Old Hickory Village. It looks like it may have been a cute and viable village at one time. It, like Old Hickory, was built for the DuPont plant workers. The Dupont plant is still here, and still fully functional, but the area has gone downhill, or so I hear, in the past few years. Still, there are glimpses of what the past looked like.Spring Sunset On Old Hickory Lake
99 Red Balloons
Remember that song? Do you think 99 red balloons could lift my mood tonight? I'd certainly give them a shot. Perhaps a shot would help, no wait, that's a depressant. Prozac?
There's no air in my house, and it's ninety degrees outside at nine at night. There's no air in my car, and that's the least of its problems right now. I'm wondering if the failure of my general mood to lift for the past few days has anything to do with being boiled to death at home and frozen to bits at work? I could do with some consistency, folks.
I'm pretty down in the dumps. I went to a party on Sunday night, grilled for everyone there, tried to stay up and be social, but fell asleep at around eleven.
So, since writing the above, I talked to my friend Miss K. She was the 99 balloons I needed. We're both going through trying to find a way into our chosen career Hell, so it was good to talk to someone who understands how hard it is, and how hard it is to drag yourself into work every day to a job you don't care about. She is looking for a library job and I am looking for a teaching job, so we are not many worlds apart. She too has a Master's in her field, so she's kind of in the same boat as me.
It has occurred to me that I need to post some pictures, just to keep this whole thing a little bit interesting, so I will do that right now!
There's no air in my house, and it's ninety degrees outside at nine at night. There's no air in my car, and that's the least of its problems right now. I'm wondering if the failure of my general mood to lift for the past few days has anything to do with being boiled to death at home and frozen to bits at work? I could do with some consistency, folks.
I'm pretty down in the dumps. I went to a party on Sunday night, grilled for everyone there, tried to stay up and be social, but fell asleep at around eleven.
So, since writing the above, I talked to my friend Miss K. She was the 99 balloons I needed. We're both going through trying to find a way into our chosen career Hell, so it was good to talk to someone who understands how hard it is, and how hard it is to drag yourself into work every day to a job you don't care about. She is looking for a library job and I am looking for a teaching job, so we are not many worlds apart. She too has a Master's in her field, so she's kind of in the same boat as me.
It has occurred to me that I need to post some pictures, just to keep this whole thing a little bit interesting, so I will do that right now!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Crazy is Relative
Tonight, Miss L. and I brainstormed a photo project. I won't go into details, but it is quite an undertaking, involving 78 images that require planning, staging, models and props, and possibly a lot of post-processing. She is really good at that. I suck, and lack the proper resources anyway. I didn't intend to hang out with her all day, but she got out of work early and I had to pick up some pics from her, so we started hanging out, drinking beer and got into planning a project, something I'd been thinking about for a while, but I needed someone else on board with me and she seems game.
Miss B. came over later, agreed to be one of our models, and helped us brainstorm the images. We talked until about midnight and I drove the relatively short distance home. Perhaps I'm getting old, or more sensible, but driving home on a Saturday night is like taking your life into your hands. I stopped at a light to turn onto Briley Parkway, and whilst there, nearly got hit by not one, but two cars. One truck did a noisy and seemingly last minute u-turn right behind me and another car swerved to miss me and went barrelling through a red light. What the hell? It was like that all the way home. I was minding my own business, driving between the lines and below the speed limit, and all around me, the crazies were out to get me. Where were the cops? Oh, they were probably busy racial-profiling on Charlotte Pike or pulling over people for driving while being Mexican. I was just relieved to get back through my front door in one piece. I had been drinking beer, but not a lot, and over a long period of time, and I felt stone cold sober on the way home. If I hadn't, I'm sure the many near-death experiences I encountered would have sobered me right up.
Miss B. came over later, agreed to be one of our models, and helped us brainstorm the images. We talked until about midnight and I drove the relatively short distance home. Perhaps I'm getting old, or more sensible, but driving home on a Saturday night is like taking your life into your hands. I stopped at a light to turn onto Briley Parkway, and whilst there, nearly got hit by not one, but two cars. One truck did a noisy and seemingly last minute u-turn right behind me and another car swerved to miss me and went barrelling through a red light. What the hell? It was like that all the way home. I was minding my own business, driving between the lines and below the speed limit, and all around me, the crazies were out to get me. Where were the cops? Oh, they were probably busy racial-profiling on Charlotte Pike or pulling over people for driving while being Mexican. I was just relieved to get back through my front door in one piece. I had been drinking beer, but not a lot, and over a long period of time, and I felt stone cold sober on the way home. If I hadn't, I'm sure the many near-death experiences I encountered would have sobered me right up.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Things I Have to Have in My Car
My car these days is like a baby. I've always been somewhat bemused by people who have a kid, a tiny little human, and then feel compelled to buy an enormous vehicle to cart around the miniature creature; however, they always say the same thing, that you have to cart around so much stuff when you have a baby. There are pushchairs and carseats and bags and toys and, I don't know because I don't have a kid, but I'm sure the list goes on.
Well, my car is a baby. I have to cart around so much stuff in it these days just to keep it on the road. Here's a list:
A gallon of water
An adjustable wrench
WD 40
Spare bulbs
A GPS
A towel
The gallon of water serves to fill up my leaking water tank caused, apparently, by a faulty water pump (hopefully this will get fixed this weekend). The adjustable wrench helps to get the pressurized cap off the water tank because the pressure creates a vacuum when all the water leaks out.
The WD 40 is for the car's post-flood problems. It now gets finicky when it rains, and I can't drive it through puddles. After it rains, I have to spray all the electricals in the the engine with WD 40 so my car won't sputter out and stall. We've had so much rain lately that this has become a common occurrence and I am learning to be prepared.
Spare bulbs: my tail-light bulbs blow out all the time. I keep spare ones on hand at all times.
The GPS: I have no working speedometer, so my GPS serves as a way to tell me how fast I'm going. Actually, driving a manual car makes it easier to guesstimate what speed you're going, but it makes me feel better when I'm followed by a cop if I actually have some idea.
The towel: I have no air conditioning. I keep the windows cracked, especially when I'm at work all day. Sometimes it rains and I don't know, so keeping a towel handy means I don't have to ride home with a wet bottom.
Despite its aging issues, I still love this car. Just had to mention that.
Well, my car is a baby. I have to cart around so much stuff in it these days just to keep it on the road. Here's a list:
A gallon of water
An adjustable wrench
WD 40
Spare bulbs
A GPS
A towel
The gallon of water serves to fill up my leaking water tank caused, apparently, by a faulty water pump (hopefully this will get fixed this weekend). The adjustable wrench helps to get the pressurized cap off the water tank because the pressure creates a vacuum when all the water leaks out.
The WD 40 is for the car's post-flood problems. It now gets finicky when it rains, and I can't drive it through puddles. After it rains, I have to spray all the electricals in the the engine with WD 40 so my car won't sputter out and stall. We've had so much rain lately that this has become a common occurrence and I am learning to be prepared.
Spare bulbs: my tail-light bulbs blow out all the time. I keep spare ones on hand at all times.
The GPS: I have no working speedometer, so my GPS serves as a way to tell me how fast I'm going. Actually, driving a manual car makes it easier to guesstimate what speed you're going, but it makes me feel better when I'm followed by a cop if I actually have some idea.
The towel: I have no air conditioning. I keep the windows cracked, especially when I'm at work all day. Sometimes it rains and I don't know, so keeping a towel handy means I don't have to ride home with a wet bottom.
Despite its aging issues, I still love this car. Just had to mention that.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Post-Flooding in Metrocenter
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Wine (Whine)
Claire has nothing to say really, other than she has drank an entire bottle of wine, by herself. She thinks that some would raise red flags at this, but she (to quote Shakespeare) bites her thumb at them. Claire's great excursion of the week has been to Aldi, where, in a frenzy of not having gone out anywhere, she spent rather too much money and bought way too much meat and charcoal. Well, she will be well fed for the next couple of weeks.
There's an amazing deal going on in Nashville right now, and it's not Groupon related. Main Street Liquors on Gallatin Road (code name: Ghetto Liquors) has acclimated to its clientele, which is homeless people and East Nashville broke pseudo-yuppies (kind of like myself, but I am not even pseudo-yuppie enough to live in the ENash). My old roommate, who has been mentioned before on this blog, Miss C., introduced me to this place a few years ago. There's an amazing deal there: three bottles of wine for 10.99. It works out at $12 exactly with tax. Back in the day, when we first started going there, you had to pick through the rubbish and the expired stuff to find something semi-decent. I'll admit (and this is a shameless window into my shady personality) to going there before a party to stock up on cheap stuff for people to drink who were too cheap to bring enough booze to satiate themselves at my parties. That was Ghetto Liquor's main function.
However, lately, they have begun to really evaluate their clientele. Now they still have the 3 for 10.99 deal, but they also have more upmarket three-fors. There's a 3 for 13.99 and a 3 for 21.99, and all are wines sold elsewhere in Nashville for much higher prices. The more expensive deals tempt me every time I go in, and I darken their door often these days.
However, as mentioned earlier, this girl works a temp job, for crappy money, but there are still needs that have to be met, and wine is one of them. I require (because I have champagne taste on a Nat Light budget) decent wine and lots of it at a good price. Friends introduced me to Gato Negro, which is a lovely Chilean Sav Blanc for 3 for 10.99. Even my budget and drinking habits can handle that. I love Montez, which is a reminder of past relationship blah de blah de blah, but it's $10 a bottle, and to me, and one of my snobbier friends, Gato Negro tastes just like it. I hope no one is really reading this blog, because I'm giving away great secrets, which I'm sure will end up on a certain Tennessean's columnist's page (no names mentioned on purpose) and ruin everything. Not having a car is screwing up my plans because tonight I paid the same amount for one bottle of wine here in Old Hickory.
So I started this blog in the third person, which is always a sign that Claire is tipsy. Time to take Claire to bed because she has to get up in the morning and work a totally pointless job. Seriously, Claire has worked out a way to make her job completely obsolete, but shush, don't tell anyone...
There's an amazing deal going on in Nashville right now, and it's not Groupon related. Main Street Liquors on Gallatin Road (code name: Ghetto Liquors) has acclimated to its clientele, which is homeless people and East Nashville broke pseudo-yuppies (kind of like myself, but I am not even pseudo-yuppie enough to live in the ENash). My old roommate, who has been mentioned before on this blog, Miss C., introduced me to this place a few years ago. There's an amazing deal there: three bottles of wine for 10.99. It works out at $12 exactly with tax. Back in the day, when we first started going there, you had to pick through the rubbish and the expired stuff to find something semi-decent. I'll admit (and this is a shameless window into my shady personality) to going there before a party to stock up on cheap stuff for people to drink who were too cheap to bring enough booze to satiate themselves at my parties. That was Ghetto Liquor's main function.
However, lately, they have begun to really evaluate their clientele. Now they still have the 3 for 10.99 deal, but they also have more upmarket three-fors. There's a 3 for 13.99 and a 3 for 21.99, and all are wines sold elsewhere in Nashville for much higher prices. The more expensive deals tempt me every time I go in, and I darken their door often these days.
However, as mentioned earlier, this girl works a temp job, for crappy money, but there are still needs that have to be met, and wine is one of them. I require (because I have champagne taste on a Nat Light budget) decent wine and lots of it at a good price. Friends introduced me to Gato Negro, which is a lovely Chilean Sav Blanc for 3 for 10.99. Even my budget and drinking habits can handle that. I love Montez, which is a reminder of past relationship blah de blah de blah, but it's $10 a bottle, and to me, and one of my snobbier friends, Gato Negro tastes just like it. I hope no one is really reading this blog, because I'm giving away great secrets, which I'm sure will end up on a certain Tennessean's columnist's page (no names mentioned on purpose) and ruin everything. Not having a car is screwing up my plans because tonight I paid the same amount for one bottle of wine here in Old Hickory.
So I started this blog in the third person, which is always a sign that Claire is tipsy. Time to take Claire to bed because she has to get up in the morning and work a totally pointless job. Seriously, Claire has worked out a way to make her job completely obsolete, but shush, don't tell anyone...
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Stranded!
I'm stranded between work and home for the next few days and the thought is depressing the hell out of me. I do not want to be home, alone, bored. I'm sure there's plenty I could be doing with my time like cleaning out the sock drawer, or rearranging my CD's into alphabetical order. Or perhaps I could mow my grass or finish some laundry, or remember what the vacuum cleaner looks like.
My parents are borrowing my car. My mother is taking me to work and picking me up again, and at all other times, I am stranded here. I also have hurt my back somehow, so heavy housework and lawn-mowing is not in my immediate future. So tonight, life pretty much sucks. I was hoping to go out and distract myself from my life, if I can't actually divorce it right now, but that plan is pretty much shot. So, I'm in a funk.
What's the funk about, you ask, or maybe you didn't, but I'll tell you anyway. Radio Silence was interrupted by a transmission last week, and it has me funked out. AMWUDM sent a message asking if I was o.k. I replied. He answered "Yup." Two months of not speaking and "Yup." I think my former theory that he's gone completely off his rocker might actually be the most on target. I don't even get a real word? I'm not worthy of a REAL WORD? I guess not, I am just the good time girl after all. That's what he said when we broke up (he really does have a way with words), after months of professing love for me, that "we had a good time." I honestly could have smacked him across the face for that one. Perhaps I should have, maybe it would have knocked some sense into him. Was that supposed to make me feel better? "I broke your heart, but damn, we had a really great time doing it. See ya around kiddo!"
We did have a flood, and it's conceivable, possibly, that I could have drowned, but still, he doesn't care that he broke my heart into a million completely unrecognizable pieces, but he cares that I'm not drowned, or dead, or my house isn't washed away?
I have a nibbling doubt from that, one that creeps forward from the back of my head at inconvenient times, that maybe I am the Good Time Girl. Maybe I'm not the girl men marry or have kids with or hang out with at barbecues with their parents with. Maybe I'm just the Good Time. I drink, I swear, I have a good time. I like to talk about sex and politics and get feisty about both. Perhaps that's not what men want in the girls they marry or settle down with. I should be the demure virgin (whether real or just in demeanor), the Angel of the Household, as the Victorians would have it. It does no good to ponder though, because I'm just not that kind of girl and will never be.
I promise to interrupt my self-indulgent and whiny posts with picture postings soon. I'm working on the 150 or so photographs I uploaded a few days ago and I'm finding the sheer volume a little overwhelming, but I'm getting there, I promise. They are divided into albums, so that's a step in the right direction. Well, me and my very sore back are going to bed with a heavy dose of painkiller.
My parents are borrowing my car. My mother is taking me to work and picking me up again, and at all other times, I am stranded here. I also have hurt my back somehow, so heavy housework and lawn-mowing is not in my immediate future. So tonight, life pretty much sucks. I was hoping to go out and distract myself from my life, if I can't actually divorce it right now, but that plan is pretty much shot. So, I'm in a funk.
What's the funk about, you ask, or maybe you didn't, but I'll tell you anyway. Radio Silence was interrupted by a transmission last week, and it has me funked out. AMWUDM sent a message asking if I was o.k. I replied. He answered "Yup." Two months of not speaking and "Yup." I think my former theory that he's gone completely off his rocker might actually be the most on target. I don't even get a real word? I'm not worthy of a REAL WORD? I guess not, I am just the good time girl after all. That's what he said when we broke up (he really does have a way with words), after months of professing love for me, that "we had a good time." I honestly could have smacked him across the face for that one. Perhaps I should have, maybe it would have knocked some sense into him. Was that supposed to make me feel better? "I broke your heart, but damn, we had a really great time doing it. See ya around kiddo!"
We did have a flood, and it's conceivable, possibly, that I could have drowned, but still, he doesn't care that he broke my heart into a million completely unrecognizable pieces, but he cares that I'm not drowned, or dead, or my house isn't washed away?
I have a nibbling doubt from that, one that creeps forward from the back of my head at inconvenient times, that maybe I am the Good Time Girl. Maybe I'm not the girl men marry or have kids with or hang out with at barbecues with their parents with. Maybe I'm just the Good Time. I drink, I swear, I have a good time. I like to talk about sex and politics and get feisty about both. Perhaps that's not what men want in the girls they marry or settle down with. I should be the demure virgin (whether real or just in demeanor), the Angel of the Household, as the Victorians would have it. It does no good to ponder though, because I'm just not that kind of girl and will never be.
I promise to interrupt my self-indulgent and whiny posts with picture postings soon. I'm working on the 150 or so photographs I uploaded a few days ago and I'm finding the sheer volume a little overwhelming, but I'm getting there, I promise. They are divided into albums, so that's a step in the right direction. Well, me and my very sore back are going to bed with a heavy dose of painkiller.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Oh, the Weekend!
Oh how I hate working. I really begrudge having to work for a living, well, not really, but I begrudge having to keep an 8-5 schedule in a job that I just see as a paycheck. I don't have anything in common with the people I work with - none of them are educated - actually I think the temps are more educated than the full-time people - all of them have millions of kids each - they seem to like their pointless jobs - and I just feel like an outcast, at best. They are really nice people, unlike the people I used to work with at my last crappy temp job, but this still just feels like a place-marker in my life. My life is crying out for me to divorce it. That's what one recently divorced friend told me: "Maybe you need to divorce your life." Maybe so indeed. I'm plotting and planning ways to do it.
On that note, I love weekends. I haven't done anything this weekend except drive around, grill out, and spend time with family. Yesterday I hung out with my mother and we went to Wal Mart to buy her mother's day present, which was a grill, a chimney, and some charcoal; we grilled out steaks on it last night after I put it together. Today I took her over a flat of flowers, because she said she wanted to plant something, and we went out for lunch at this place that I've been driving by for weeks and dying to try. It's a little Mexican restaurant and take-out on Gallatin Road named, quite simply, after its menu items. It's a run-down little place but the draw is its smell. They have a ginormous oil drum barbecue outside on which they are grilling whole chickens night and day and as you drive by, the smell seeps into your soul. Now, you know how I feel about grilled chicken these days, so I just had to try it. I persuaded my mother to step outside of her usual let's-get-take-out routine and actually come with me to this place. We shared a whole grilled chicken, with rice, beans, salad, and tortillas for $11, and it is one of the best meals I have ever had. Wow, it was truly delicious. I am definitely going back.
I have had an affinity lately for restaurants named after menu items: there's my new favourite - Tacos Y Mariscos Y Pollo Al Carbon and the similarly named House of Gyro, Salad, and Hamburger. I think this naming trend might be something to look out for on my constant search for good and unusual cheap eats in Nashville.
On that note, I love weekends. I haven't done anything this weekend except drive around, grill out, and spend time with family. Yesterday I hung out with my mother and we went to Wal Mart to buy her mother's day present, which was a grill, a chimney, and some charcoal; we grilled out steaks on it last night after I put it together. Today I took her over a flat of flowers, because she said she wanted to plant something, and we went out for lunch at this place that I've been driving by for weeks and dying to try. It's a little Mexican restaurant and take-out on Gallatin Road named, quite simply, after its menu items. It's a run-down little place but the draw is its smell. They have a ginormous oil drum barbecue outside on which they are grilling whole chickens night and day and as you drive by, the smell seeps into your soul. Now, you know how I feel about grilled chicken these days, so I just had to try it. I persuaded my mother to step outside of her usual let's-get-take-out routine and actually come with me to this place. We shared a whole grilled chicken, with rice, beans, salad, and tortillas for $11, and it is one of the best meals I have ever had. Wow, it was truly delicious. I am definitely going back.
I have had an affinity lately for restaurants named after menu items: there's my new favourite - Tacos Y Mariscos Y Pollo Al Carbon and the similarly named House of Gyro, Salad, and Hamburger. I think this naming trend might be something to look out for on my constant search for good and unusual cheap eats in Nashville.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
New Film, and Floods.
In case you haven't heard, and if you have been listening to national media, there's a good chance you haven't, Nashville flooded this weekend - the entire city and environs of Nashville. It's a 500 year record apparently, although I'm not entirely sure how they know that. I'll write more about that, but I have to make up hours at work tomorrow and get there ridiculously early, so I must sleep soon.
I picked up five rolls of 35mm film yesterday. I'm excited. I have seen some of the pictures and I am sure I will be posting more soon. I knew it was raining pretty hard, but when I drove to Wolf on Saturday, I realized it was a lot worse than I had thought. I didn't get to pick the film up until Tuesday, and as of today, Wednesday night, large parts of Nashville are still underwater.
But.... I am tired. More on all that soon.
I picked up five rolls of 35mm film yesterday. I'm excited. I have seen some of the pictures and I am sure I will be posting more soon. I knew it was raining pretty hard, but when I drove to Wolf on Saturday, I realized it was a lot worse than I had thought. I didn't get to pick the film up until Tuesday, and as of today, Wednesday night, large parts of Nashville are still underwater.
But.... I am tired. More on all that soon.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Nashville: Signs of Light, Easter 2010, with a Zeiss Ikoflex
This photo epitomizes Dickerson Road, an area replete with seedy liquor stores, discount tobacco, porn stores, thrift, second-hand appliance stores, really good BBQ, crumbling motels and trailer parks. What is the "last chance"? It seems like there's a message here beyond the literal.
The Underbelly of Nashville
The picture above was taken across the street from the Nation of Islam, which was blasting its sermon on Easter Sunday through a loudspeaker. The effect was surreal. This cleaners is on Buchanan Street, which is particularly dangerous part of Nashville. I know because I have an unhealthy addiction to the Metro Crime Maps, and there are always shootings and rapings and pillagings in this area. However, it contains a lot of good photo-fodder.
Ah Dickerson Road, a bastion of old signage and general decrepitness.
Zeiss Pictures from Easter, continued.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
The World Keeps Turning...
Photography puns aside, my life feels out of focus. Everyone tells you that life goes on, that the world keeps turning, even if you stand still, and that is true. I feel like I have to go with the flow and the rotation of the Earth and all that, but it's making me a little dizzy.
I haven't taken many pictures this week, and perhaps that's why I'm feeling a little ungrounded. I should get out on my lunchbreak tomorrow and snap some pics of the river near my workplace. Today I sat and contemplated the turtles sunning themselves and then dipping back into the water for a swim. I have to admit feeling a little jealous as I sunned myself in my business-casual attire on the riverbank, trying to extract joy and relaxation and sunshine from every moment before I had to go in and wither under the fluorescent lights.
I have a new job, in case I failed to mention. That's really how much I care beyond the obvious need for a paycheck. However, the people in this place are really nice and the job is at least marginally more interesting and doesn't call for me to consistently question my morals and the state of health-care in this country, like denying medications to elderly people on Medicare did at my last job.
This week has flown by. I always think on Mondays that it will drag on forever, but the days have gone conveniently by, and work hasn't seemed too much of an imposition on my actual life, although it has robbed me of much needed sleep a couple of times this week. I have been out a couple of times with the aforementioned guy with whom I went on a date the day after my birthday. I guess I'm getting to know him now, and I still find him interesting and fun to hang out with. I have zero expectations and I hope he has zero expectations of me, but the time has passed with great conversation, good laughs, good food, lots of beer and a movie or two. He is very smart, as I've said before, and also extremely sweet, but genuinely above-board about his life and his situation in it. He's not too happy with his life either, and like me, not really in the place he wants to be, so we have something in common there, and it's nice to talk about how to improve our relative situations. I don't know how I feel about any of it, but I went out with him on Monday, and I actually (gasp) called him to suggest Happy Hour imbibing yesterday, which turned into a much later night than I had bargained for. Oh well, I can sleep when I'm dead, right.
There's no word from the ex-boyfriend (The Aforementioned Man Who Unceremoniously Dumped Me, or AMWUDM) - a friend of mine called it "radio silence," and that's a pretty good way of describing it. He booted me from Facebook, which I suppose was expected, although I'm surprised it took him so long. Perhaps my posts were annoying him, although I suspect they were doing something else, but hey, I won't get into it.
I've been honest, to a fault I think, with this new guy (we'll call him New Guy I'm Hanging Out With or NGIHOW) and I came up with a drunken, yet appropriate analogy in which I compared my heart recently to the post WWII ravaged fields of France, which has now naturally progressed into the Cold War. I think honesty is the best policy. I haven't promised him I won't freak out at some point - there goes the Cold War analogy again - and I have said explicitly that I am simply not capable of a deep emotional connection with anyone right now. My heart has not been set right, and there are certain things that will have to happen before it will be. Right now, I am in a period of stasis. I don't actively feel any healing going on, and I don't think I will, but I am learning coping mechanisms and I am learning to just do, even if I don't feel - perhaps that will come later. That goes for relationships, getting out of bed in the morning, remembering to eat, laugh, and see the good surrounding me - I am going through the motions, but generally I still envy the turtles and their easy life and that convenient shell under which to hide.
I haven't taken many pictures this week, and perhaps that's why I'm feeling a little ungrounded. I should get out on my lunchbreak tomorrow and snap some pics of the river near my workplace. Today I sat and contemplated the turtles sunning themselves and then dipping back into the water for a swim. I have to admit feeling a little jealous as I sunned myself in my business-casual attire on the riverbank, trying to extract joy and relaxation and sunshine from every moment before I had to go in and wither under the fluorescent lights.
I have a new job, in case I failed to mention. That's really how much I care beyond the obvious need for a paycheck. However, the people in this place are really nice and the job is at least marginally more interesting and doesn't call for me to consistently question my morals and the state of health-care in this country, like denying medications to elderly people on Medicare did at my last job.
This week has flown by. I always think on Mondays that it will drag on forever, but the days have gone conveniently by, and work hasn't seemed too much of an imposition on my actual life, although it has robbed me of much needed sleep a couple of times this week. I have been out a couple of times with the aforementioned guy with whom I went on a date the day after my birthday. I guess I'm getting to know him now, and I still find him interesting and fun to hang out with. I have zero expectations and I hope he has zero expectations of me, but the time has passed with great conversation, good laughs, good food, lots of beer and a movie or two. He is very smart, as I've said before, and also extremely sweet, but genuinely above-board about his life and his situation in it. He's not too happy with his life either, and like me, not really in the place he wants to be, so we have something in common there, and it's nice to talk about how to improve our relative situations. I don't know how I feel about any of it, but I went out with him on Monday, and I actually (gasp) called him to suggest Happy Hour imbibing yesterday, which turned into a much later night than I had bargained for. Oh well, I can sleep when I'm dead, right.
There's no word from the ex-boyfriend (The Aforementioned Man Who Unceremoniously Dumped Me, or AMWUDM) - a friend of mine called it "radio silence," and that's a pretty good way of describing it. He booted me from Facebook, which I suppose was expected, although I'm surprised it took him so long. Perhaps my posts were annoying him, although I suspect they were doing something else, but hey, I won't get into it.
I've been honest, to a fault I think, with this new guy (we'll call him New Guy I'm Hanging Out With or NGIHOW) and I came up with a drunken, yet appropriate analogy in which I compared my heart recently to the post WWII ravaged fields of France, which has now naturally progressed into the Cold War. I think honesty is the best policy. I haven't promised him I won't freak out at some point - there goes the Cold War analogy again - and I have said explicitly that I am simply not capable of a deep emotional connection with anyone right now. My heart has not been set right, and there are certain things that will have to happen before it will be. Right now, I am in a period of stasis. I don't actively feel any healing going on, and I don't think I will, but I am learning coping mechanisms and I am learning to just do, even if I don't feel - perhaps that will come later. That goes for relationships, getting out of bed in the morning, remembering to eat, laugh, and see the good surrounding me - I am going through the motions, but generally I still envy the turtles and their easy life and that convenient shell under which to hide.
Booze, Milkshakes and Hand-Cut Fries!
Ah, Bobbie's Dairy Dip, how I miss living within walking distance of you. How I miss your hand-cut fries and pineapple-banana milkshakes (Claire sheds a little tear).
Saturday, April 24, 2010
My Response to Mr. N.
I love the points Mr. N. brought up, and even though he intended them as "an argument," they really validated what I was saying. I don't think film in itself is inherent to true camera knowledge, but rather, I believe that having manual control over your shutter speed/ISO/aperture gives you an insight into the way light works, whether you are working with light hitting a piece of film or a digital sensor. I love the way he has explained how working with the manual focus and a low aperture has forced him to become more creative in his portraits of tango dancing. I am sure that shooting inside and shooting moving and unpredictable subjects in low light forces choices that otherwise would just make it easier to shoot the more conventional way with a pop up flash and action stop. Here, as he said, you have to plan for mistakes and learn what works and what doesn't, and I'm a believer that only that absolute control can really give you that, just like only driving a manual car can give you insight into the way a car shifts gears.
He also said that as he shoots more, although he still manipulates in photoshop, (which I am learning too), that he finds he has to manipulate less and less. I totally agree with this - as you learn the control, you learn to get it right the first time, because you inherently know what will work and what is beyond the realm of real possibility, but you also learn, with this, what IS within the realm of possibility and you learn to make creative choices based on aperture and shutter speed, and you can picture the kind of photo you're going to get. This does guide your choices. You can say: I know I have a shallow depth of field, but I know I can capture this movement and I can capture one particular piece of it, so that might make a more interesting photograph than capturing the whole scene.
I am curious what happens if he employs a pop flash with this, or what happens if his camera has rear flash synch (yay, great modern invention). If you pop a flash manually, you don't have to worry too much about aperture and it gives you the freedom to be more creative visually. But the rear synch flash would make the motion make sense, even though you would sacrifice the weird unpredictable bulb/pop flash thing. So hey, Mr. N., I challenge you to the results.
I would like to say that I would love him to post some of his pictures on here to illustrate what he is learning.
I always find those kind of situations challenging, and as you can probably see from my current photo postings, I shy away from taking pictures of people, and I have a lot to learn. It's something I've never been good at and I would love to see how his pictures progress as he gets more comfortable with the method and with the people. I'm hoping he can teach me something.
And Mr N., I too have a 50mm lens with a 1.8 that I haven't busted out yet, but it is an amazing lens - I once heard that 50mm is the closest to how we actually remember the scenes in our lives, and that's why it was so popular, but that super-shallow aperture gives such a dreamy quality that can't be equaled. I'm currently in love with my 2.8 24mm lens, but I shall have to dig out the old 50mm and give it a try too, especially when I get a chance to take pictures of people.
He also said that as he shoots more, although he still manipulates in photoshop, (which I am learning too), that he finds he has to manipulate less and less. I totally agree with this - as you learn the control, you learn to get it right the first time, because you inherently know what will work and what is beyond the realm of real possibility, but you also learn, with this, what IS within the realm of possibility and you learn to make creative choices based on aperture and shutter speed, and you can picture the kind of photo you're going to get. This does guide your choices. You can say: I know I have a shallow depth of field, but I know I can capture this movement and I can capture one particular piece of it, so that might make a more interesting photograph than capturing the whole scene.
I am curious what happens if he employs a pop flash with this, or what happens if his camera has rear flash synch (yay, great modern invention). If you pop a flash manually, you don't have to worry too much about aperture and it gives you the freedom to be more creative visually. But the rear synch flash would make the motion make sense, even though you would sacrifice the weird unpredictable bulb/pop flash thing. So hey, Mr. N., I challenge you to the results.
I would like to say that I would love him to post some of his pictures on here to illustrate what he is learning.
I always find those kind of situations challenging, and as you can probably see from my current photo postings, I shy away from taking pictures of people, and I have a lot to learn. It's something I've never been good at and I would love to see how his pictures progress as he gets more comfortable with the method and with the people. I'm hoping he can teach me something.
And Mr N., I too have a 50mm lens with a 1.8 that I haven't busted out yet, but it is an amazing lens - I once heard that 50mm is the closest to how we actually remember the scenes in our lives, and that's why it was so popular, but that super-shallow aperture gives such a dreamy quality that can't be equaled. I'm currently in love with my 2.8 24mm lens, but I shall have to dig out the old 50mm and give it a try too, especially when I get a chance to take pictures of people.
My Friend Mr. N.'s Response to My Manual SLR Smackdown
Just wanted to say hi and that I like reading your blog. I knew you wrote, but I wasn't sure where the url was ... I saw it in your wall to wall response to Elizabeth. I didn't know about the break up. I'm sorry to hear that ... I guess I'm a bit out of the loop down here. It does sound like you have good friends around you and I know that that helps a lot.
Reading your posts makes me want to play with film again. I've nearly done it several times, but usually end up with my D50. That said, about six months ago I did wipe the dust off of my dad's old Nikon EM from '79 (which I've had with me since high school). While I haven't used it yet (lately), I did grab the 50mm/F1.8 manual focus lens off of it and have been shooting completely manually with my D50 since last November.
I know that doesn't really count as analog, but I have been learning a lot about my camera. With tango events being the main subject of many of my photographs, low light and lots of motion have been challenging; esp. with the manual focus. I didn't have as much formal training as you in the days of film, but at least I got my foot in the door back then, so I feel I have a vague idea of ISO equivalents, color temperature/white balance, etc ... and I feel a fully manual digital is letting me play around enough to where I am getting more confident and comfortable with that lens, esp in the areas of shutter speed and ISO; its usually dark in the room so I often leave the aperture at F1.8, but I do stop it down when I need to.
At the same time, I know your slide film challenge would probably kick my ass. But who knows, maybe a few would come out :P ... I figure its not like your relationship with your FE2, but nothing gives me images like that little old 50mm lens, I love the shallow depth of field and tons of light from the F1.8 aperture.
I do still tweak the crap out of many of them in iPhoto or PS, and I know thats cheating, but I guess I look at it as photography as an art form vs. photography as a way to celebrate my friends and events of our lives, where in the latter, a little post process "fixing" is ok if it makes photos of my friends closer to how I felt when I took the picture. That said, the more I practice the less photoshop I have to do, so hopefully some of it I can consider "art of photography." Ultimately, I would like to have my two fake categories converge so that I wouldn't have to B.S. such an argument; ie I just need to be better so I don't have to play with levels anymore.
Most of my corrections are with exposure, but often I like applying a black and white gradient mask and manipulating color channels below it to simulate color filter lenses with black and white film. I've tried to use something like an R2 filter before with my D50 and it just goes to hell fast. I think there are some reds the CCD just can't handle. I've seen this in roses and other red flowers before. My point was though, that often I like to push the image to where the light looks just a little odd (say in a black and white image). I love the way black and white infrared film looks (I know I should just go buy some).
So anyway ... I hope thing work out for you and I'm glad that photography gives you peace of mind. I always enjoy looking at your work. (And still jealous of all your old cameras ... the TLR looks so cool.)
Reading your posts makes me want to play with film again. I've nearly done it several times, but usually end up with my D50. That said, about six months ago I did wipe the dust off of my dad's old Nikon EM from '79 (which I've had with me since high school). While I haven't used it yet (lately), I did grab the 50mm/F1.8 manual focus lens off of it and have been shooting completely manually with my D50 since last November.
I know that doesn't really count as analog, but I have been learning a lot about my camera. With tango events being the main subject of many of my photographs, low light and lots of motion have been challenging; esp. with the manual focus. I didn't have as much formal training as you in the days of film, but at least I got my foot in the door back then, so I feel I have a vague idea of ISO equivalents, color temperature/white balance, etc ... and I feel a fully manual digital is letting me play around enough to where I am getting more confident and comfortable with that lens, esp in the areas of shutter speed and ISO; its usually dark in the room so I often leave the aperture at F1.8, but I do stop it down when I need to.
At the same time, I know your slide film challenge would probably kick my ass. But who knows, maybe a few would come out :P ... I figure its not like your relationship with your FE2, but nothing gives me images like that little old 50mm lens, I love the shallow depth of field and tons of light from the F1.8 aperture.
I do still tweak the crap out of many of them in iPhoto or PS, and I know thats cheating, but I guess I look at it as photography as an art form vs. photography as a way to celebrate my friends and events of our lives, where in the latter, a little post process "fixing" is ok if it makes photos of my friends closer to how I felt when I took the picture. That said, the more I practice the less photoshop I have to do, so hopefully some of it I can consider "art of photography." Ultimately, I would like to have my two fake categories converge so that I wouldn't have to B.S. such an argument; ie I just need to be better so I don't have to play with levels anymore.
Most of my corrections are with exposure, but often I like applying a black and white gradient mask and manipulating color channels below it to simulate color filter lenses with black and white film. I've tried to use something like an R2 filter before with my D50 and it just goes to hell fast. I think there are some reds the CCD just can't handle. I've seen this in roses and other red flowers before. My point was though, that often I like to push the image to where the light looks just a little odd (say in a black and white image). I love the way black and white infrared film looks (I know I should just go buy some).
So anyway ... I hope thing work out for you and I'm glad that photography gives you peace of mind. I always enjoy looking at your work. (And still jealous of all your old cameras ... the TLR looks so cool.)
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Malaise
Tonight I went out with my favourite gays to eat Indian food. Somehow I still managed to order a concoction of chicken and bread. What is it with me lately? That's still basically all I can eat, or all I want to eat. I hadn't been to Bombay Palace in a while, and I really love that place - if you live in Nashville, you should give it a try - the chicken tikka is pretty amazing.
I have a new job, for which I am grateful, as far as the money issue goes, but this working 8-5 day in, day out thing has me thinking about what I want from my life and what I need from a job. The whole set-up just leaves me feeling empty - there's nothing to think about when I come home. I just go in, mindlessly complete the tasks set out for me, and come home. I can see how some people could find that somewhat freeing, but I just bemoan the lack of vocation it takes. I'm trying to at least get some adjunct teaching gigs, and I feel like the flexible schedule plus the creativity and control over my own classroom is much more in line with my personality and with who I need to be. Except for showing up to teach class at an assigned time, I can do grading and planning on my own schedule, and I really like having that freedom. Right about now, the colleges are starting to think about hiring professors for next semester, and some might even have summer classes. All my applications are in, and I am going to start bugging them this week. The squeaky wheel approach has worked wonders for me in the past. I can't continue to do a job that requires so little from me mentally and has me boxed in for eight plus hours a day in a room full of cubicles and no windows. Is that what life is really about?
Don't talk to me about pipe dreams either. I just want to get out of here - just take off travelling around the country. I know it's highly impractical, but my brain is cooking up escape plans, some more ludicrous than others, but I don't want to look back at my life and think about all the things I wanted to do but didn't because I was afraid, or because I worried what other people would think. I always wanted to be the person who did the things other people just talk about. If those things are somehow within my means, I should at least consider the possibility of making them happen. It just seems that the world is such an interesting and unpredictable place, and I am stuck here, travelling the same route every day to and from work to sit looking at the same cubicle walls and computer screen. Something will have to give soon or I may go crazy.
I am so behind on film developing that I'm almost scared to take more pictures. I wanted to go out tonight, but I now have six rolls that I can't afford to get processed. I have to slow it down some. I can just take them and just have a backlog, I suppose. Next week, when I get paid for an entire week, I will start chipping away at the mountain of canisters. I have mostly 35mm, so at least those are cheap to get processed and scanned and they do produce more numerous results than the medium format, but lately, my heart lies with the high resolution and the retro delight of the square image. There's just something so deliciously restraining about composing within a square - it makes you think differently, and if there's something I need right now, it's the new and different.
Part of my malaise is because I was supposed to go out on a date tonight - well I don't know if it was a date or just a hanging out kind of deal, and I was actually looking forward to it. Last time I got out of a relationship, I didn't do the whole rebound thing, and I really don't want to this time, but it just feels good to go out and hang out with a straight guy and have good conversation, so I was a little disappointed when his life got in the way, but hey, it can't be helped.
I have a new job, for which I am grateful, as far as the money issue goes, but this working 8-5 day in, day out thing has me thinking about what I want from my life and what I need from a job. The whole set-up just leaves me feeling empty - there's nothing to think about when I come home. I just go in, mindlessly complete the tasks set out for me, and come home. I can see how some people could find that somewhat freeing, but I just bemoan the lack of vocation it takes. I'm trying to at least get some adjunct teaching gigs, and I feel like the flexible schedule plus the creativity and control over my own classroom is much more in line with my personality and with who I need to be. Except for showing up to teach class at an assigned time, I can do grading and planning on my own schedule, and I really like having that freedom. Right about now, the colleges are starting to think about hiring professors for next semester, and some might even have summer classes. All my applications are in, and I am going to start bugging them this week. The squeaky wheel approach has worked wonders for me in the past. I can't continue to do a job that requires so little from me mentally and has me boxed in for eight plus hours a day in a room full of cubicles and no windows. Is that what life is really about?
Don't talk to me about pipe dreams either. I just want to get out of here - just take off travelling around the country. I know it's highly impractical, but my brain is cooking up escape plans, some more ludicrous than others, but I don't want to look back at my life and think about all the things I wanted to do but didn't because I was afraid, or because I worried what other people would think. I always wanted to be the person who did the things other people just talk about. If those things are somehow within my means, I should at least consider the possibility of making them happen. It just seems that the world is such an interesting and unpredictable place, and I am stuck here, travelling the same route every day to and from work to sit looking at the same cubicle walls and computer screen. Something will have to give soon or I may go crazy.
I am so behind on film developing that I'm almost scared to take more pictures. I wanted to go out tonight, but I now have six rolls that I can't afford to get processed. I have to slow it down some. I can just take them and just have a backlog, I suppose. Next week, when I get paid for an entire week, I will start chipping away at the mountain of canisters. I have mostly 35mm, so at least those are cheap to get processed and scanned and they do produce more numerous results than the medium format, but lately, my heart lies with the high resolution and the retro delight of the square image. There's just something so deliciously restraining about composing within a square - it makes you think differently, and if there's something I need right now, it's the new and different.
Part of my malaise is because I was supposed to go out on a date tonight - well I don't know if it was a date or just a hanging out kind of deal, and I was actually looking forward to it. Last time I got out of a relationship, I didn't do the whole rebound thing, and I really don't want to this time, but it just feels good to go out and hang out with a straight guy and have good conversation, so I was a little disappointed when his life got in the way, but hey, it can't be helped.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Chasing Waterfalls
I just got home from a fabulous trip to Georgia this weekend. After I lost my job last Monday, the original plan was to drive down to Blue Ridge on Thursday or perhaps Friday morning, but a new temp job came through on Wednesday night, so I couldn't leave until after work on Friday. My good friend and former roomie, Miss C. and her boyfriend, Mr. G. moved down there a month ago. He is caretaker of a huge house and vast acreage on the lake, and they are now living quite nicely in the "guest house," the expanse of which would swallow my house threefold. They have a waterfall outside their window. I can't imagine a more idyllic and relaxing setting.
Now, Blue Ridge is in the middle of nowhere, and that kind of isolation isn't for everyone, but it's been a long time since I've felt that relaxed, and it seems like the two of them are basking in the mellow lifestyle. It's about a four-hour drive from Nashville, and I started out from here just after six. Of course, you lose an hour driving east, so I expected to arrive about 11 or so. Those of you who know me know that I'm a human GPS system and possess an uncanny knack for knowing where I'm going, but I decided to use the real GPS system on my way down there, partly because Miss C. said it was tricky to find and partly because my car's speedometer no longer functions and a GPS is handy for telling me how fast we're travelling on long trips.
Here's my tip for the day: Never let machines think for you.
The GPS was doing swimmingly until about twelve miles outside Blue Ridge. It was pitch black and I couldn't read the written directions even if I wanted to, but I knew I was getting close. The GPS told me to turn off the main highway onto a small road - this felt weird to me- but I figured it knew better than I did. Big mistake! I started up a mountain (or at least a very tall hill) down a narrow, windy road, and as this was eleven o' clock at night, on my own, in strange territory, with no cell signal, I started to second guess the GPS a little. However, I kept trucking. Suddenly, the road disappeared and was replaced by a gravel "road." There were houses scattered around and I just kept going - the GPS told me I had nine miles to go- and I thought the road would become paved again soon. Nope. My little VW soldiered through 4.5 miles of windy, narrow gravel mountaintop road before we reached paved territory again. I swore I could hear the banjos. The GPS had led me on a shortcut that took me twice as long (max. speed 15mph on gravel), completely bypassed the town, and brought me directly to the lake. It took the "take shortest route" command literally - screw paved roads!
I took four rolls of film this weekend, which of course, I am excited to get processed and imported in so I can share them with you, oh faithful readers. However, there have been several short breaks in my employment lately, so the photo-fun-fund is running a little low. Sorry to try your patience, oh diligent ones, but I will post pics as soon as I can.
Now, Blue Ridge is in the middle of nowhere, and that kind of isolation isn't for everyone, but it's been a long time since I've felt that relaxed, and it seems like the two of them are basking in the mellow lifestyle. It's about a four-hour drive from Nashville, and I started out from here just after six. Of course, you lose an hour driving east, so I expected to arrive about 11 or so. Those of you who know me know that I'm a human GPS system and possess an uncanny knack for knowing where I'm going, but I decided to use the real GPS system on my way down there, partly because Miss C. said it was tricky to find and partly because my car's speedometer no longer functions and a GPS is handy for telling me how fast we're travelling on long trips.
Here's my tip for the day: Never let machines think for you.
The GPS was doing swimmingly until about twelve miles outside Blue Ridge. It was pitch black and I couldn't read the written directions even if I wanted to, but I knew I was getting close. The GPS told me to turn off the main highway onto a small road - this felt weird to me- but I figured it knew better than I did. Big mistake! I started up a mountain (or at least a very tall hill) down a narrow, windy road, and as this was eleven o' clock at night, on my own, in strange territory, with no cell signal, I started to second guess the GPS a little. However, I kept trucking. Suddenly, the road disappeared and was replaced by a gravel "road." There were houses scattered around and I just kept going - the GPS told me I had nine miles to go- and I thought the road would become paved again soon. Nope. My little VW soldiered through 4.5 miles of windy, narrow gravel mountaintop road before we reached paved territory again. I swore I could hear the banjos. The GPS had led me on a shortcut that took me twice as long (max. speed 15mph on gravel), completely bypassed the town, and brought me directly to the lake. It took the "take shortest route" command literally - screw paved roads!
I took four rolls of film this weekend, which of course, I am excited to get processed and imported in so I can share them with you, oh faithful readers. However, there have been several short breaks in my employment lately, so the photo-fun-fund is running a little low. Sorry to try your patience, oh diligent ones, but I will post pics as soon as I can.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Ireland, May 2008 with a Diana
Don't Go Chasing Windmills
However, when you do get right up underneath them and you can hear the swishing of the blades, they're really impressive. Ireland is definitely the right place to take advantage of wind energy!
Ireland with a Diana, Continued
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Birthday Fun
So Monday was my birthday. I lost my job, just before I was supposed to go out and celebrate with friends. I decided to not worry about it and go out and have fun, but it was difficult to fake/try to make reality a good mood, at first. But, my lovely, wonderful friends were there, full of joy and good wishes for me. People came out whom I did not expect and it was a nice little evening, and the cheer and the beer gradually lifted my mood out of the doldrums. I was in the atrium at the Flying Saucer and I noticed the gorgeous sunset light outside, so I went to my car, got my FE2, and took more pictures of Union Station. I also took some pictures of my friends inside and some interior shots of the atrium. I'm switching to 35mm for now, because I haven't worked consistently for the past three weeks and medium format takes a heavy toll on the old pocketbook, but I can't wait to get back to it. Miss B. and I went to the Villager afterwards, where I got asked out by someone whom I was speaking with last week. He didn't ask me for my number then, but he got up the gumption on Monday. It probably helped that I looked ridiculous drinking Shiner Bock from a large dogbowl (it's a birthday tradition at the Villager - free beer in a dogbowl).
So last night I went out on a date. Totally unexpected, and I did have a good time. I told him not to have any expectations of me, and he said he was willing to just go along with me and have fun - no pressure - just good conversation and no emotional heaviness. I cannot write tonight. I want to get this all down, but the words aren't flowing very well. I apologize. He's a good listener and a good conversationalist and he's smart, and that is a prerequisite for my interest. I am probably going out with him next week sometime, and I'm happy about it, but I'm not able to feel too much of anything for anyone right now - but perhaps that's good.
I am tired and not making much sense. I have more pictures to post, but I am spacing them out a little until I can get more film processed. I don't want to give up all the goods at once - I'm not that kind of girl.
So last night I went out on a date. Totally unexpected, and I did have a good time. I told him not to have any expectations of me, and he said he was willing to just go along with me and have fun - no pressure - just good conversation and no emotional heaviness. I cannot write tonight. I want to get this all down, but the words aren't flowing very well. I apologize. He's a good listener and a good conversationalist and he's smart, and that is a prerequisite for my interest. I am probably going out with him next week sometime, and I'm happy about it, but I'm not able to feel too much of anything for anyone right now - but perhaps that's good.
I am tired and not making much sense. I have more pictures to post, but I am spacing them out a little until I can get more film processed. I don't want to give up all the goods at once - I'm not that kind of girl.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Frist and Union Station - First Pics with the Zeiss
Here's my first attempt at using the Zeiss. Sorry I'm not really going in order. The camera was kind of sticky for this first roll, so I didn't get a lot of salvagable pictures - perhaps only four or five, but that's the nature of re-breaking in an old camera, and I wasn't too upset by the result. It was earlier in the day and sunnier than when I'm usually comfortable shooting, but the lens flare adds an interesting, if unintended touch. I went back and shot some more with the Diana, but I would really like to take pictures there again at the magic hour just before dusk and post the results so you can see the difference. The Zeiss is a really slow camera: max f-stop is f16 and max shutter speed is 1/250, so shooting in full sunlight doesn't allow much creative choice except "sunny 16 rule."
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