Showing posts with label exploring nashville. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exploring nashville. Show all posts
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Zeiss Pictures from Easter, continued.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Malaise
Tonight I went out with my favourite gays to eat Indian food. Somehow I still managed to order a concoction of chicken and bread. What is it with me lately? That's still basically all I can eat, or all I want to eat. I hadn't been to Bombay Palace in a while, and I really love that place - if you live in Nashville, you should give it a try - the chicken tikka is pretty amazing.
I have a new job, for which I am grateful, as far as the money issue goes, but this working 8-5 day in, day out thing has me thinking about what I want from my life and what I need from a job. The whole set-up just leaves me feeling empty - there's nothing to think about when I come home. I just go in, mindlessly complete the tasks set out for me, and come home. I can see how some people could find that somewhat freeing, but I just bemoan the lack of vocation it takes. I'm trying to at least get some adjunct teaching gigs, and I feel like the flexible schedule plus the creativity and control over my own classroom is much more in line with my personality and with who I need to be. Except for showing up to teach class at an assigned time, I can do grading and planning on my own schedule, and I really like having that freedom. Right about now, the colleges are starting to think about hiring professors for next semester, and some might even have summer classes. All my applications are in, and I am going to start bugging them this week. The squeaky wheel approach has worked wonders for me in the past. I can't continue to do a job that requires so little from me mentally and has me boxed in for eight plus hours a day in a room full of cubicles and no windows. Is that what life is really about?
Don't talk to me about pipe dreams either. I just want to get out of here - just take off travelling around the country. I know it's highly impractical, but my brain is cooking up escape plans, some more ludicrous than others, but I don't want to look back at my life and think about all the things I wanted to do but didn't because I was afraid, or because I worried what other people would think. I always wanted to be the person who did the things other people just talk about. If those things are somehow within my means, I should at least consider the possibility of making them happen. It just seems that the world is such an interesting and unpredictable place, and I am stuck here, travelling the same route every day to and from work to sit looking at the same cubicle walls and computer screen. Something will have to give soon or I may go crazy.
I am so behind on film developing that I'm almost scared to take more pictures. I wanted to go out tonight, but I now have six rolls that I can't afford to get processed. I have to slow it down some. I can just take them and just have a backlog, I suppose. Next week, when I get paid for an entire week, I will start chipping away at the mountain of canisters. I have mostly 35mm, so at least those are cheap to get processed and scanned and they do produce more numerous results than the medium format, but lately, my heart lies with the high resolution and the retro delight of the square image. There's just something so deliciously restraining about composing within a square - it makes you think differently, and if there's something I need right now, it's the new and different.
Part of my malaise is because I was supposed to go out on a date tonight - well I don't know if it was a date or just a hanging out kind of deal, and I was actually looking forward to it. Last time I got out of a relationship, I didn't do the whole rebound thing, and I really don't want to this time, but it just feels good to go out and hang out with a straight guy and have good conversation, so I was a little disappointed when his life got in the way, but hey, it can't be helped.
I have a new job, for which I am grateful, as far as the money issue goes, but this working 8-5 day in, day out thing has me thinking about what I want from my life and what I need from a job. The whole set-up just leaves me feeling empty - there's nothing to think about when I come home. I just go in, mindlessly complete the tasks set out for me, and come home. I can see how some people could find that somewhat freeing, but I just bemoan the lack of vocation it takes. I'm trying to at least get some adjunct teaching gigs, and I feel like the flexible schedule plus the creativity and control over my own classroom is much more in line with my personality and with who I need to be. Except for showing up to teach class at an assigned time, I can do grading and planning on my own schedule, and I really like having that freedom. Right about now, the colleges are starting to think about hiring professors for next semester, and some might even have summer classes. All my applications are in, and I am going to start bugging them this week. The squeaky wheel approach has worked wonders for me in the past. I can't continue to do a job that requires so little from me mentally and has me boxed in for eight plus hours a day in a room full of cubicles and no windows. Is that what life is really about?
Don't talk to me about pipe dreams either. I just want to get out of here - just take off travelling around the country. I know it's highly impractical, but my brain is cooking up escape plans, some more ludicrous than others, but I don't want to look back at my life and think about all the things I wanted to do but didn't because I was afraid, or because I worried what other people would think. I always wanted to be the person who did the things other people just talk about. If those things are somehow within my means, I should at least consider the possibility of making them happen. It just seems that the world is such an interesting and unpredictable place, and I am stuck here, travelling the same route every day to and from work to sit looking at the same cubicle walls and computer screen. Something will have to give soon or I may go crazy.
I am so behind on film developing that I'm almost scared to take more pictures. I wanted to go out tonight, but I now have six rolls that I can't afford to get processed. I have to slow it down some. I can just take them and just have a backlog, I suppose. Next week, when I get paid for an entire week, I will start chipping away at the mountain of canisters. I have mostly 35mm, so at least those are cheap to get processed and scanned and they do produce more numerous results than the medium format, but lately, my heart lies with the high resolution and the retro delight of the square image. There's just something so deliciously restraining about composing within a square - it makes you think differently, and if there's something I need right now, it's the new and different.
Part of my malaise is because I was supposed to go out on a date tonight - well I don't know if it was a date or just a hanging out kind of deal, and I was actually looking forward to it. Last time I got out of a relationship, I didn't do the whole rebound thing, and I really don't want to this time, but it just feels good to go out and hang out with a straight guy and have good conversation, so I was a little disappointed when his life got in the way, but hey, it can't be helped.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Finally, Zeiss Pictures!
I finally picked up my scans today. I have more, but I'm posting this album of Old Hickory and Rayon City first. These were all taken with my Zeiss Ikon Ikoflex TLR, made sometime in the '40s or '50s. I love the dreamy look; it doesn't look like a new camera, but the images are sharp and some have an interesting vignette in the corners - I think that happens by tilting the camera upwards. Old Hickory has a lot to offer a photographer with a penchant for junky retro vintage and I look forward to exploring more with this camera.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Shutter Control
I begin this post with a shout out to Mr. B., who when posed with the challenge of naming my new blog, quickly and creatively suggested not one, but two, titles. I chose Light and Dark because of the play on the art of photography and the nature of the human heart (particularly mine). His other title, Shutter Control, sums up how I feel today.
It's been approximately a month since the break-up, this monumental break-up that took 20 minutes to end a relationship I thought would be important, monumental, and epitomized my vision of love, and has left me struggling to find my feet, to gain back some sense of control after it proverbially tossed me from the top of the tower to land groaning on the ground. I have a vision in my head of the wooden puppet on strings tangled up in a heap on the cold earth. Helping hands picked up the controls and twisted me back into a semblance of a human figure again, but I have had to find my own feet and can't rely on people pulling my strings forever.
I've been crying all day. It's been one of those days - I had to pull it together somewhat at work, but on my trip to Wolf during lunch, the tears started, were quelled, and sprang up again on my way out the door. My mother had to listen to me bawling all the way to Gallatin, where I had to get it together and tutor my girls. She, in her motherly wisdom, said teaching would take over and I would feel better after. She was right. Mr. W., who also had me crying on the phone, suggested when I feel like this, I should take pictures. He told me to just stop the car and shoot something. On the way home, at almost sunset, I did. I pulled the car over and took some dusk shots of a barn, an old farmhouse and a liquor store (I love taking pictures of liquor stores - do I have to ask what that says about me?). I had the FE2 in the car and I'm learning to get in the habit of taking it everywhere. I started to get angry tonight. There's a huge part of me that wants to yell and scream at him and present the mess he created so he will have to look it in the face and see what he's done. It seems that he walked out the door and it's all too easy for him to look away and distract himself with the next shiny object, possibly one much more outwardly shiny than myself (but not inwardly - we know that isn't possible).
Shutter control: a skill to master that facilitates the expression of emotion and beauty. There aren't many things in my world under my control right now. I have a temporary job and am engaged in the nebulous task of searching for a "good job," a car that is still kicking, but who knows for how long, a relationship that has died, parents who are moving across the planet, finances on the constant brink of collapse - you get the idea - but one thing I can control is the movement of light through a lens to hit a piece of film. That I can do, with increasing finesse.
I dropped off more film at Wolf this afternoon, but my scans are still not back. Tomorrow, I hope.
It's been approximately a month since the break-up, this monumental break-up that took 20 minutes to end a relationship I thought would be important, monumental, and epitomized my vision of love, and has left me struggling to find my feet, to gain back some sense of control after it proverbially tossed me from the top of the tower to land groaning on the ground. I have a vision in my head of the wooden puppet on strings tangled up in a heap on the cold earth. Helping hands picked up the controls and twisted me back into a semblance of a human figure again, but I have had to find my own feet and can't rely on people pulling my strings forever.
I've been crying all day. It's been one of those days - I had to pull it together somewhat at work, but on my trip to Wolf during lunch, the tears started, were quelled, and sprang up again on my way out the door. My mother had to listen to me bawling all the way to Gallatin, where I had to get it together and tutor my girls. She, in her motherly wisdom, said teaching would take over and I would feel better after. She was right. Mr. W., who also had me crying on the phone, suggested when I feel like this, I should take pictures. He told me to just stop the car and shoot something. On the way home, at almost sunset, I did. I pulled the car over and took some dusk shots of a barn, an old farmhouse and a liquor store (I love taking pictures of liquor stores - do I have to ask what that says about me?). I had the FE2 in the car and I'm learning to get in the habit of taking it everywhere. I started to get angry tonight. There's a huge part of me that wants to yell and scream at him and present the mess he created so he will have to look it in the face and see what he's done. It seems that he walked out the door and it's all too easy for him to look away and distract himself with the next shiny object, possibly one much more outwardly shiny than myself (but not inwardly - we know that isn't possible).
Shutter control: a skill to master that facilitates the expression of emotion and beauty. There aren't many things in my world under my control right now. I have a temporary job and am engaged in the nebulous task of searching for a "good job," a car that is still kicking, but who knows for how long, a relationship that has died, parents who are moving across the planet, finances on the constant brink of collapse - you get the idea - but one thing I can control is the movement of light through a lens to hit a piece of film. That I can do, with increasing finesse.
I dropped off more film at Wolf this afternoon, but my scans are still not back. Tomorrow, I hope.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Kept Promises
Lately, amidst all the turmoil, something strange has happened: I've made promises to myself, albeit little ones, and kept them.
Today, as promised, I went to the Flying Saucer to celebrate the Divorce Day of my friend, Miss B. I kept my promise and took my Diana equipped with a flash and a cheesy homemade paper towel diffuser. It looked kind of strange, and I did get some odd looks, but I took my interior shots. I'm not sure how I'm going to feel about the results. I had to open the shutter and pop the flash at the same time, and that takes some coordination and a very steady hand. I am sure I thought I was keeping the camera a lot steadier than I actually was. But, I took a roll as an experiment, so we'll see how it comes out. Everything handy became a makeshift tripod - Miss B.'s beer glass, my beer class, the back of a chair, the table, my chest - anything to get a steady surface. I would like to attach the flash to the camera properly, but for that I would have to order the adapter for a flash, and I think it only works with the special Diana flash, which is ridiculously overpriced, and I'm not sure I could justify spending sixty dollars on something I just want to experiment with. We'll see how these pics come out - if I like the results, I may stick with this cumbersome process, but if not, I might look into other options.
After the Saucer, we went to The Villager, a place I don't think I've been in at least a year and I realized the picture taking potential in there. It would be amazing for Diana flash shots. I found some blogs at work today on how to finagle a Diana to work with a regular flash. I'll have to check them out and see what I can rig up. I have to slow down a little on the film-taking though because this could seriously eat up all my money, either that or I have to cut down the booze and food budget - oh the sacrifices we make for art! (I'm just kidding really - I'm not picturing myself as a great starving artist or anything - I'm just a girl with a camera trying to drown some demons.)
Today, as promised, I went to the Flying Saucer to celebrate the Divorce Day of my friend, Miss B. I kept my promise and took my Diana equipped with a flash and a cheesy homemade paper towel diffuser. It looked kind of strange, and I did get some odd looks, but I took my interior shots. I'm not sure how I'm going to feel about the results. I had to open the shutter and pop the flash at the same time, and that takes some coordination and a very steady hand. I am sure I thought I was keeping the camera a lot steadier than I actually was. But, I took a roll as an experiment, so we'll see how it comes out. Everything handy became a makeshift tripod - Miss B.'s beer glass, my beer class, the back of a chair, the table, my chest - anything to get a steady surface. I would like to attach the flash to the camera properly, but for that I would have to order the adapter for a flash, and I think it only works with the special Diana flash, which is ridiculously overpriced, and I'm not sure I could justify spending sixty dollars on something I just want to experiment with. We'll see how these pics come out - if I like the results, I may stick with this cumbersome process, but if not, I might look into other options.
After the Saucer, we went to The Villager, a place I don't think I've been in at least a year and I realized the picture taking potential in there. It would be amazing for Diana flash shots. I found some blogs at work today on how to finagle a Diana to work with a regular flash. I'll have to check them out and see what I can rig up. I have to slow down a little on the film-taking though because this could seriously eat up all my money, either that or I have to cut down the booze and food budget - oh the sacrifices we make for art! (I'm just kidding really - I'm not picturing myself as a great starving artist or anything - I'm just a girl with a camera trying to drown some demons.)
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